So what I am so worried about? What am I so stressed out about? My whole life has been constant worries, and I still am trying to figure out why some people are so resilient and let things be...HOW DO THEY DO IT!? I am in a constant struggle trying to be the best version of myself- the problem is, I have all these wonderful ideas in my head on how to achieve this, but I never actually fulfill the vision and work at it. As I age, I have found that I am a giant procrastinator. I would rather lay down and go on social media in my bed than try and "fix" all the imperfections that I have struggled with for years.
These are the things that I want to improve to be the best version of myself:
- my physical appearance (aka: work out and eat right)
- being a more supportive and understanding girlfriend
- being a more knowledgeable counselor
- praying and leaving my worries in God's hands
- saving money
- using my time in a more worthwhile manner
- being a more thoughtful daughter and friend
Sometimes I just want to shut my brain down because all I think about is this stuff. I just want to get away from it all in a quiet place and be able to relax.
I think these are all things that everyone should think about and strive to improve, but these things are causing me stress everyday. Because I let it. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that nothing and nobody can make you feel inferior without their consent. I am letting these things, these ideas, take control of my mind. I find myself constantly trying to think of ways to be better while not really enjoying the "here and now". I am not seeing the beauty of everything around me and in my life RIGHT NOW. Is it even realistic and good for my health to have these thoughts? Sometimes I think it's ONLY detrimental and not allowing me to live the life God planned has planned for me.
In grad school, Chavez-Korell constantly stressed how important the "here and now" aspect is in therapy. I remember her words and try to tell myself to take things day by day. So far, that has worked in my professional life. I find myself becoming burnt out now that the year is almost over; however, I notice the days go much faster if I focus on that day, from 7-3, what kids I am going to see, what activities I am going to do. I also find myself working harder, more diligently, and getting more meaningful things done because I am not busy planning for a month from now.
That's where the "work smarter, not harder" comes into play. I need to adopt this philosophy into everyday life. My biggest problem right now is how I use my time. We aren't given much of it, and I waste it almost everyday thinking about what I am going to eat and what time I am going to bed. Maybe I should use it to go do something sweet for my boyfriend, go to a daily mass, make an activity that will really resonate with a child today, and for heaven's sake, WORK OUT! It's not that I have to work any harder...I just have to be smarter and utilize the time God has given me for His gifts of which he's blessed me.
I am going to use this blog as an outlet for my inner most thoughts. My regrets. My blessings. Everything. I am hoping to use this as a reflective, something I can look back on and help myself to become that best version of myself that I so strive to become. Here's to living in the moment!
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